One thing about me is I’ve been writing about my life for years. Like in 2016 for example. I wrote a lot about myself and my rapports with other people, along with my own outlook of my life. Like, the different states I was in and what they meant. How I pushed through them to the other side. I used to be a really anxious person actually. I got kind of past that though. 5 years later, now in 2021, I’m so more condensed and concentrated of a person. It’s hard for me to write with that flow I used to have but I still blog on Shop For Days all the time, so that’s something. I’m a hard person to peg sometimes, when it comes to other people, but when I find people who get me it just helps me understand myself in better lighting. Friends don’t really stick to me these days but that’s fine, I still have Matt, my ex-boyfriend, in my life. Him and I are good friends and he helps me do my photoshoots sometimes, so that’s rad. Other than that I just have my family. My brother and I went to a bar last night and we talked a little about working. I told him I’m just sticking to my guns with blogging for now. I’m a good writer I think. It’ll all come in time, one day I’ll even write a book about my blogging experience. I do like three photoshoots a month these days and they turn out pretty dang good I’d say! There’s the simple gist of it, itemizing what’s been happening. A lot has changed about how I feel about myself since I last wrote on here.
Anyway, what I’ve been doing this year has been working because I’m so less stressed. I mean that was a good wandering paragraph about what I’ve been doing but let’s talk about how I’ve been feeling. Like I’m on top of the world, sometimes. It’s hard to see it in me but I think it’s because I’ve been blogging so much. I used to take Copaiba for anxiety and stuff like that, every once in a while, then I completely dumped it. I still might take it once in a while but I just haven’t needed to. I’ve been really ramping up with my photoshoots, I keep seeing things in myself. So I’ve been good to myself actually. What really saves my ass is the L-Glutamine I’ve been taking with also Ashwaganda (adrenal formula). L-Glutamine is really great for recovery which is great because I workout at the gym pretty often. They’ve been really helping me realign my brain. I think that’s why I stopped needing those supplementary types of things for extra edge. I’ve had the stress weight on me kind of lift off in the past 4 months. Also I’ve been clean off hard drugs for 5 months so that’s going well. Everything just started falling into place, and my dad’s new-ish job is helping. I’ll always have his support with what I do. I’m super grateful for it. So yeah I’ve felt like this huge weight has been gradually lifting off my shoulders and I feel like I can do anything. I’ll get more friends that’s not a big deal. I’m doing so good for what I do, which sometimes isn’t much. It’s a lot of laying down around my house, except for going to the gym & grocery shopping. Then the occasional friend hangout session. I’ve also been watching Breaking Bad & Better Call Saul these days instead of my usual cartoon lineup. That’s been a pretty good time-bracketed break, and it’s helping me with the current state I’m in. A good era.
When I first started Worry Just Enough I was a little depressed, and I’d write about it. Then it became uplifting things that are pretty cool, like To Brag or Not To Brag, is a good example. What a long winded post from 2016. I say read that last paragraph. It’s silly! But that’s how I used to think. Just one random example. I used to write about everything. I should do this more, actually. One thing I really like about how I’ve grown up is that I still push myself to do the same things but it got so much better. I’m just really glad that blogging is who I am. I’ve changed in ways of maturity and neatness, but that might be it. Or maybe I’m the first to blossom tulip, and all the other tulips are years in my future. Maybe that’s what being 22 really is about. I was 17 when I wrote that one post that I linked. I still smoke weed, even. I didn’t mention it there but I have smoked weed since I was like 15. Wow honestly I wrote about how I liked complaining. I don’t so much anymore. I don’t think I complain at all actually… That’s a good sign. I like pointing out my mistakes actually, the little things here and there. They really don’t weigh on me like I used to. It’s like, I have this way to me that is a little more pliable than how I used to work. And about changing my state, well I just vape for that, because I go outside to the sunshine to stand there and vape. Little bits of vitamin D. It just takes leaving my room for me to change my state. So that’s a good thing, plus we make coffee. These substances help. I’m really good with how to use them, too. I just rarely ever feel depression or anxiety anymore. Superhuman I suppose. That’s what that must be. I’m getting enough done so there’s no reason for me to pressure myself or worry about something. That’s just how it is.
On a different note, moreso of what I want to do next, there was three times I went to Seattle for a photoshoot. Two of the shoots were taken by my mom because I don’t bring a tripod when it’s Seattle, and one of the times Matt shot me. You can see that whole post here. My goal is to eventually have my dad or Jessie (my stepmom) or even my brother (or all of them, at least once) do a shoot with me (in Seattle) sometime. Not even just Seattle but in general I want them to get some pictures of me. I think it would be a really good idea. Man, my camera is like 10 years old or more! But I love it and it works for me great. So yeah honestly it’ll be good to connect with my family like that. I think it really adds a creative flare to those shoots. Seattle will be fun, once I get back out there for that. I have a whole whiteboard of outfits I still have left to take pictures of. It’s going well. And about the featured photo of this post, I haven’t even posted that on Shop For Days yet. I’ll probably link it when I post it but just a hint, it’s called Care Label. Matt took the pictures with me at the park down the road from my house. It’ll be a whole thing but I wanted to use one of the pictures for this post. Stay tuned for that. I’ll wrap this up – I’m doing well, better than you’d think, and my skin is healing (it got kind of bad this year) and I’m working on myself with every day. I’m really glad to write about all this. So that’ll be a good foundation for how my life is going. Things will be good. I really do have goals and standards for myself and I’m always working to further them from the ground as I walk on it. Anyway, thanks so much for reading! Have a fantastic day and don’t forget to learn about yourself while you’re working on yourself.