Reasons To None

Something I’ve noticed about myself is that once I’ve implicated a change, I’m ready. I’m ready to do something new and I start habit-forming sentences. Like this is how I love to write. I grew up reading a lot of books. Novels for days. Shelfari existed and I kept track of each one, marking them up and reviewing once I had finished one. This made me become a thirsty writer. I was driven to get better so I kept doing it. We’re talking all my days in school (mostly middle school to junior high) up until the blogging days. Like all the sad shit I’ve written near the beginning of Worry Just Enough. But that doesn’t say everything. I kind of lost my way of writing a little bit but hey it’s 2021 and I’ll start posting more frequently on every blog I have. What’s different? Are things changing enough for me to keep going with the same online things? Oh well, let me just walk you through my inspiration for the past few months, and where’s it’s been outlining me.

I have like no pictures to use as featured images for these either. I’ll have to come up with something. I chopped my hair but it might just be a long haired picture. Or maybe something old from my red hair days. We’ll see how it goes. I could just use Shop For Days outtakes for everything. Oh nope! I have one picture that will work. A picture of my room. You’ve probably already figured out that I’m lying. I’m not the most uninspired person these days. My vision journals are lacking, I should’ve done better with them. Shop For Days is doing fine but my stats are a little low. But since I’m so behind with social media, I can’t even figure out how to higher them. I’m working on it though. I used to be such an excellent writer. Now Save Yourself and Solved The Problem are competing against each other for best red haired photoshoot. I mean blog post! It doesn’t really matter to me though… They are just photoshoots with words I weave into them, through the collages and out the back. But I can’t believe how much I’ve grown, now I’m just waiting for my hair to grow back. It’s 2021 and some of the most viewed or lived in blog posts on this blog are from 2017. I started in 2015 though, but you get what I mean.

So many of these posts were about breakups or girlfriend stuff. I remember vividly WJE being apart of that relationship. But what about my last ex-boyfriend? What about Rehab in California and dumping him there? What about wanting to be in each other’s lives again but needing legal surgery just to hangout? I guess that’s actually pretty funny. Not that anybody actually reads actively on this blog but I’ll tell you what’s on it. Breakup spew part 4 is what’s on it. Oh well! I was red haired for rehab. So what’s next? Staying home and getting used to my room again. Stepping back to relax for once and giving myself no expectations. Hopefully I get to finally start working out again though.

There was a small problem on my last SFD blog post. It was too narrative. It wasn’t anything like Scary World. I just realized all 3 of those blog posts start with an S. Those are the 3 best ones, too. Oh well. This is me practicing my writing. Then I hit a stump, oh no. I guess it gets easier. Easier to do vision journal things, easier to catch-up on my Instagrams, easy to check the Snapchat flashbacks, easy to keep it going. I think the point to this is I’m giving all my reasons for continuing going and none of the reasons for stopping. If that makes enough sense to win. I don’t even hangout with friends anymore, nothing like that. And I’m addicted to vaping so I switched to CBD. I’m not too worried about the future, mostly inspired, but if I keep hitting these blocks…I’m going to have to learn to push through them. Like gummed up adrenaline that the gym finally drips down your forehead. Or like finally getting to hangout with someone when you’re finally used to staying in bed. I hate that, it was hard for me. Still sort of is. But my whole grown up life is about not worrying, and again I’m 22 now. I just spend my time waiting. Waiting and worrying, I mean watching…I shuffle my phone like it’s nothing and sit on my bed and write. I put on my makeup like it’s nothing and take more pictures in my room at my mom’s house. Then I see 5 years ago what I was blogging and then I do another photoshoot in the same room and pretend like I never expanded my mind in the way that I did. I use a featured photo like it’s nothing but wish I had better pictures that I can take. I’ll get back to it. Eventually it’ll be Seattle pictures again. Up next is some Dolls Kill photoshoots or something. I think I’m finally ready to wrap this up. So Christmas went well, it’s January now, I haven’t been 22 for very long and I’m ready to start. Ready to push for my life. Ready to roll. Keep on goin’. Nothing I haven’t done before.

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