No amount of adderall will truly let me have it all. I fall, I’m bombed, I’m scarred, I’m tainted. A can of paint was gingerly poured into my batter of white cake, and as I was stirred there were streaks of light pink and all pinks all the way to a deep pink.
If one flame goes out, I can no longer see in the dark. There’s torches that line the wall but the rest of them glow so faintly as their distance mocks me; I see now that I blew my last hope. I blew it out like the candle I melt to add a little serotonin to my screwed up mindset. It’s so dark as I walk beyond my comfort zone, into the darkness. I wander for a while and stumble for a while, but eventually I come across the second little torch, high up on the cave’s wall. I start walking towards the end, and as I do, more and more lights go out. It’s like they think their work is done, in this moist cave where I am completely lost in. Finally, the last torch goes out before I even reach the second-to-last one. I’m so confused because beyond that is only darkness. I suddenly realize out of fear that maybe I wasn’t going anywhere at all. But I kept walking forward, because it seemed more hopeful than retracing my steps blindly. I hit a wall but feel a wave of relief wash over me as I discover a sharp turn leading to a path with a light at the very end. So tired, treading through mud, I ran for the only possible way out. I hoped to God that this last time is where I’ll run the life I’ve just begun.