Post-Prosperity

Preachin’, preachin’, there goes Abby preaching. Lord knows this stuff is relevant to only me and probably my cat. She’s my bestie. But sometimes, I just really need to talk. I have a voice, known as an “annoying” voice but  still a voice. I like using it and it’s best translated through my keyboard. My old fashioned 2009 laptop keyboard. I like the clicking sounds the keys make.

Today I’ve been feeling so down. People get so much praise, people who look like they got ran over by a tractor by like 3 different people on every single insta post, people who are beautiful singers inspire everyone, and I’m in Abbyworld. Always have been, always will be. I don’t get praised. For like anything. But there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t need praise, because I write on this blog and don’t care who sees it. I don’t need praise because I know I’m beautiful and thankfully haven’t been run over by a tractor. But I feel so isolated, so very very isolated, in a world where nobody even acknowledges my profound intellect and indelible fashion style. So I get torn up about it. I get sad that I was never asked out at all by anyone until 8th grade, I get sad that I push all my friends away just because it gives me anxiety to respond to them, I feel replaced by someone who could be me better than I even could, and all I’m completely sure of is that I caused all this myself. You know why? Because I have control over my reactions. I control my nostalgia, I can take a big gulp and reach out socially more often, and hell I don’t need to be competing with anyone for a title that, for the record, I was never even proud of. Because I can live in the present, focus on my blogging and my fashion and all. I can hangout with people, there’s nothing holding me back except fear and I must not let fear control my life. And you know what? I’m making my own title for myself.

Abby. 17. Hobbies: Blogging and shopping. Passion: Fashion. Style: Urban Glam. I don’t give one flying flaming crap about who knows what kind of style I have, I don’t care if people read these blog posts or call me materialistic for shopping; one thing I know for sure is that I am a person. I am the person I just described. And I’m proud of it. I’m proud that I can get things off my mind in these posts. I’m proud of my style as I walk up and down streets in stilettos all day. And I really don’t dress like a teenager, which makes sense because I’ll be 18 in a month. I’m evolving, becoming my own person. Maybe this is boring, but I just wanna remind my future self:

Dear Abby, we are legendary. We have seen our self grow up, we have felt the pain of the hard times, but we also have created a personality that is more intricate than one snowflake has ever been. We are legendary to us, and wether or not anybody knows or cares, we’ll be thinking about our self day and night and doing what’s best for us. We won’t be demeaned, talked down, or defeated. We’ve risen above every single challenge for 18 years, and we are ready to face whatever comes next, armed with our valuable knowledge and deep-rooting experiences. I want rings in my hair, clarity in the air, and a plan that’s always fair. I want to make peace with my surroundings and radiate a powerful, peaceful aura that can calm an army of in-patients that are off their meds. I want to spread the word of peace, I want people to breathe the air clearly and exhale while expelling any negative attitude or anxiety. Depression is defeatable, but nobody ever said it would be anything close to easy. But that’s okay. Because if everything was easy, I would never grow, I would never strengthen, I would never learn, I will never prosper. I strive everyday to be better than yesterday, and tomorrow I will start that. Tomorrow I will do yoga. Tomorrow I will put together some new outfits. Tomorrow I might film my skin care routine. No more empty promises, I’m going to bed now (at midnight) so that I can wake up and have plenty of time to challenge myself through the entire day. Endure until the end, and once it’s all over, cry of happiness over the fact that you overcame every single thing that worried/scared you before or was just plain difficult. Doesn’t matter what time you’re doing this, smile and begin your journey by resting and waking up at sunrise to watch how beautiful the sky turns from dark into innocence. Fresh start, new day, you can be better than yesterday.

Song of the Day: Stronger by Britney Spears

 

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