I’ll Find Myself Someday

This blog is a really good thing. For a lot of days this was my journal, and when going through my old posts I found (I think it was my Anti-Convulsant post) a little piece that totally caught my attention.

…I started taking it again, 300 mg in the morning, and about 3-4 hours after I take it I get really delirious, intensely drowsy, and I had hand tremors pretty intensely.

So wow, I read that and suddenly everything came back to me! All the times I’ve been on gabapentin I end up finding out that it’s crappy. Like, I had serious hand shakiness. It was so so horrible. And sure enough, lowering my dose of it decreased my shakiness by a lot. And now everything makes sense, and maybe if I go off of this again and try something new, maybe I’ll finally feel okay for a second.

But it’s like, I never would’ve remembered any of that without that blog post.

As for other events, this week I went and saw the Neighbourhood and that was pretty much it. I honestly don’t remember a lot of this week and that’s weird and scary but I really don’t even remember anything.

I’m really scattered and depressed right now. I’m trying so hard to hold myself together but how can I do that when I didn’t really get myself together to begin with? Today was a bad day, no part of is was good, and I don’t understand. I thought the universe was supposed to balance out. This is just tears in my eyes.

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