I’m trying really hard to form some sentences that represent how I’m feeling right now. Overwhelmed with gratitude, drowning in my tears that form a sea of endless bliss that I’ve finally filled enough to bask in. That probably didn’t make sense. Basically, I’ve been through a lot. If any of you have read my earlier posts you know that my life has been a crazy ride, specifically last year. August-September is when it was the worst. I was so so sick. There’s so many things that were wrong with me… I was pretty sick in January 2015 but in August/September 2015 I was not only so sick/bedridden, but I was also incredibly depressed. I’ve been depressed a lot in my life but it’s like every possible bad feeling was in me, killing me slowly, in every physical/mental/psychological/physiological way (don’t even point out how redundant that was).
And now. April 2016. I look back on those horrible months through my selfies (very few taken in that time period but there was some). And right now I’m overwhelmed.
I’m better in every single way. I’m far far healthier. I’m unbelievably smarter. I’m happier. Every piece of pain I felt, every way I felt shitty, every possible thing got better. Sure, things still aren’t perfect, but they’re at least some degree better. Everything.
I cannot describe how grateful I am. It was a very very gradual recovery and I’m still recovering, but I just realized how much everything is like… Things are just so amazing. I …. I can’t even express. I’m overwhelmed. Take a look at these pictures, August 2015 VS April 2016.
SEE WHAT I MEAN?
My hair was falling out in clumps for a long time because of how unhealthy I was (By the way, if anyone’s confused about what “illness” I had, it was literally just lack of everything, lack of food, tons of side effects from meds that just made we worse etc) and now it’s growing back and it makes me so happy. Fashion, my hair, my makeup; it all means so much to me. I feel so proud when I look in the mirror. Whatever life throws at me now, I’ll come at it standing tall with my wits and my resilience, fighting it head on and not being so hard on myself when things go wrong. Because… They could always be worse. They could be like August…That’s horrible.
But they’re not. Things are amazing. Blissful.
Worry Just Enough 