There are lots of things I want in this life. I want a blonde wig so I can be blonde whenever I want but not have to ruin my soft nice hair. I want a reference stylist who I meet with to get new things that I can rock and be able to become more flexible and awesome with my style. I want to start a chain of stores which the details of will remain private because I don’t want my plans stolen. I want to have perfect skin. I want to wear so many designers, so so many. Great ones. I want to voice my opinions and philosophies and be heard and acknowledged and praised. I want to change lives. But most of all I want to change my own.
Maybe people think I’m greedy, but the fact of the matter is, I’m not saying I deserve all of this. I’m definitely not saying I want it all right now. I’m only saying I’m passionate. In a place full of lifeless corpses who claim to be better than me, I want to shine. I want to show them that it’s good to love things. That goals are good. I want to wake up in the morning and fight everyday, like I do now, to get to a better future.
This quote helped me through 8th grade and I’m forever grateful. Now it’s time for me to reach for more. I have a lot of goals because I want to thrive not just survive. I want to fight until I’m into the gorgeous green spring grass and off of the nuclear wasteland I live on right now. It hurts. It sucks. I complain a lot. But I fight more than anyone I’ve ever personally met. I hope one day my strength will pay off, because then maybe people will see how amazing it really is to be a person. “They haven’t even seen nothing yet. Lately I’ve been breathing fire in my sleep, they’ll feel the heat.”*
I want to reach my goals and I want to feel the sweet nectar of even a small victory… I research every night, tons of things. It’s different all the time. I go to bed late because I get caught up in reading. So much information. I want to know everything, because I truly believe that is the key to life. I guess the first step to overcoming my trials and tribulations is understanding that they can’t be fixed, however I can walk past them. You don’t need to spend years working on a car that probably will never work again. You can buy a new car. It’s costly, but it’s worth it, please trust me. Understand that even if the price of your restitution looks steep and fixing the old looks easier, it’s not. Because even if the hill is steep you can still get over it. It’s a lot harder to climb a mountain. Who knows if you’ll even make it to the top alive? “From down this low, it’s only up we go.”*…
I’m on my way to happiness. I control my life. feel like all hope is lost, but there’s no point in grieving. I’ll learn to stand up. Maybe not soon, but it doesn’t matter when. There’s no clock hanging over me. I either suffer or I try my best to breathe…I have nothing else to do. I’m not quite living yet, but I think I have some good ideas as to how to. My only flaw is humanity.
*Quotes are lyrics from songs by the beautiful artist Lights.
Worry Just Enough 