Candle Wicks and Confidence

Do I feel 17? Sometimes I feel 17. Sometimes I’ll be talking to people and realize how much more comfortable I am talking to adults, because I’m slowly getting less and less consideration as a child and more people considering me a person, and soon I almost will be. Life doesn’t start until you’re smart enough to be able vote (AKA just being 18 according to laws) because before then we are all rather “stupid” in comparison.

I don’t like being treated like a kid. I have met adults that were clearly inferior to me in a knowledge competition, and they just weren’t as wise. My mom always told me that everyone goes through the same amount of hardship in some shape or form, some people get all theirs over with while they’re younger and some don’t have many waves rocking their boats until they’re older. I believe that to some degree, I’ve met people who really just didn’t have much going on with their lives but maybe that was their struggle, they couldn’t even be a real human because of how ignorant they were. Maybe their struggle was small things everyday because they can’t grasp certain concepts of life. I feel as sorry for them as I do for certain people that I know who are going through a large amount of obvious trouble.

I don’t even know how to categorize this post because it’s all over the place. But the thing is, I started reading Miranda Kerr’s book named Treasure Yourself and I’m impressed so far. I don’t consider myself close minded but I do consider myself stubborn, I make my judgement too quickly and I often think it’s a huge waste of time to go back and recheck my work on working out if something is garbage or life changing. It’s funny because I’m bad at giving things a try.

The book basically is a book to help people treasure themselves, in laymen’s terms it’s ways to make themselves feel good. I wanted to read it not only because I love and support Miranda but because I wanted to force myself to get a new perspective of any kind. When it comes to self esteem I’m kind of at a road block and have been for years. Yet everyone thinks I act like a big shot so it’s nothing anyone thinks I should work on, nothing anyone mentions. I’m not even sure why. To me, confidence in general isn’t exactly from self esteem, but self esteem is just a baseline. For example, people with high self esteem are often confident, but I’ve seen shy people that love and are proud of themselves. For me I’m confident because I’ve always been confident. I can talk in front of large audiences and as long as they aren’t irked by my amount of jokes and lack of ability to end a sentence and shut up, then I’m all for it. My self esteem issues are not something I’m going to go into fully right now, but I just wanted to bring it up. The book is helping me see that things have more than one way of being accomplished, just because one road is a dead end doesn’t mean the one east of you is. I’m really glad that I’m realizing that. It’s hard to change from realizing something to acting upon something when it’s something this dire, in my opinion.

I just don’t like food either. And that’s okay right now. I have to remind myself that I have all the time in the world as far as I know, and I don’t know when I’m going to die so I’m going to live like I’m alive. And yes, I am a random person. My mind flickers. I’m basically a candle wick.

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