It’s really insane to me to think that I’ve just begun 2017. On New Year’s Eve of 2014 I felt like my life really began, with friends and adventures and what lied before me was a forest with a clear, fun path and beautiful sunshine. But not enough sunshine to burn me.
2014 is when I got all my friends, did all my drugs, was always out and about until like 4 AM and I really thought I was living it up so hard. I wasn’t on any medication but I was self medicating with drugs and alcohol.
2015 is when I pulled my head of out my ass and realized I shouldn’t live like that. This was my year of recovery, where I went from a shriveling nothing into an even more worn down human, and had to work the whole year to stay alive. Near the end of the year, I finally started heading in the right direction health wise.
2016 is when I got back up on my feet. A lot happened, but I wasn’t crazy like 2014, and I was a lot healthier than 2015. So this is when I started beginning anew, but I didn’t count on my ego having an appetite when it came to finally being praised in one way or another. I was so used to social isolation, so I was a little wonky the whole year because it threw me off to only be talking to myself (and Ally) all day. But she and I did lots of fun things this year.
2017 has begun as of today. I went from partying and learning my lesson to being unhealthy and growing maturity to recovering and building a sensible & true personality… so that leads me to believe that in 2017 I’ll experience a lot of new things and really shape my person into a whole and complete this agonizing process of getting out of my 15 year old mindset.
Right now I’m really depressed. I took a drop of 2014 and splashed it into my end-of-2016 cocktail and created a confusing series of experiences that leave me here….Here, not blogging much anymore, not talking to anyone but Ally, trying to maintain my drive and passion… Sigh. I kinda messed up in one way or another, but the most important thing I need to do is create structure. Structure with food, medication, sleep… I’m 18 now and you’d think I could be my own human being but it’s difficult. So now we wait, we wait and see what happens for 2017.
Happy new year.
Oh one more thing. Last year my new year’s post was all about my newly found skincare, and holy crap! It’s been over a full year since I started obsessing over my skin and the fact that I’ve created a consistency with this for an entire year gives me hope. Maybe I can form some other good habits as well.
Worry Just Enough 