Back to My Element

I’ve had a checkered past. I’ve found a breath of fresh air trapped in my lungs and seen the way the waves mimic my drunkass dancing. I’ve been to the moon and then back but wasn’t able to recount my trip to anyone because memories don’t work on the moon. I seldom make no sense, but when I do, I surely make zero sense. Lol, if you could follow any of that then props to you. But really, my idioms and my analogies are whatever you want them to be, because everything we think is created through our brain’s perception of what we see and hear around us.

It was one foggy morning when I finally decided to go to sleep. It was 7 AM and the sun was climbing inches towards the top of the sky and its beauty radiated through all of the city. It resonated with me, it touched me, it made sense. Every day that happens so it makes sense. It’s predictable. But why do I go to sleep at 7 AM and wake up at 3 PM? Who messed up my body’s natural clock, it’s way of controlling when I sleep? Because I can’t ever sleep. I’ve sunk so deep into my insomnia and my hours of playing games/shopping/watching Family Guy etc have crept into my mind as I see it reflect my discipline. I think my self-discipline is nonexistent. Or is it just…Insomnia? Can I blame it on that? I think my sleeping medications beg to differ. They really work when I take them. I just get so cowardly and want to run far from sleep. But then during the day I can’t find a way to anchor myself into an awakened state.

But. Even though I spent 5 days in a row getting way too drunk, even though I felt like I was losing myself because all I ever was was wasted, I think I might still have myself. Last night I didn’t get drunk and today I’m doing all the things that the Abby I know and love does. I’m online shopping, I’m trying out different outfits, I’m about to put my hair extensions in, I’m listening to Lady Gaga, and I’ve never felt so in my element. Well, maybe I have, but for the first time in a while I’m back there in Abbyland and I’ve taken too long of a vacation and I’m glad to be home. I’m still me, no matter how many brain cells I’ve killed. I’m still me, no matter how many inner demons I’ve drowned in liquor. I’m still me, even though I’m pretty sure I’m getting worse at writing. But the fact that I’m blogging at all is…Well, it really means something. It shows me that I can still be Abby.

So, I applied for tons of unpaid internships, and within an hour I got word that someone wanted an interview with me. It’s mostly for social media stuff but I also applied for things like Fashion Writing…My two favorite things in the whole world. So who knows, maybe I’ll take up a couple internships and be able to use that experience to pursue a career in fashion marketing like I’ve always really dreamed of. I was going to take a summer school class of fashion marketing until I found out you have to be enrolled in public school for that. Ha, oops, I’m definitely not. But each and every day even though I feel like I’m so horrible at eating I do feel like I’m improving myself, almost getting to be a happy and healthy Abby. That’s incredible to me. I just really wish that I was better at eating. Everything that I ever eat makes my stomach hurt and nothing ever sounds appetizing, especially because one of my medications make me not hungry at all. It’s a slippery slope, but when I fall down the hill, at least Ally will be there to laugh at my drunkass and help me up. I apparently fall down hills when I’m drunk. Interesting stuff. But I love her so much and I’m glad she’s my partner in crime.

So there you have it. A day in the life of Abby. Are you bewildered?

Oh, I almost forgot. Ally and I uploaded a video to YouTube recently, haha we’re cute. That’s what the featured image is from.

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