Emotionally Thrown & Mentally Trapped

How do we think with our heads, rationally, when there is emotion involved? Like those times when you know you’re thinking irrational thoughts because you’re swayed by strong emotion and you’re trying really hard not to make a bad decision out of jealousy or anger or just depression that could have ripple effects that come back to bite you in all sorts of ways. It’s hard to clear your head in those situations, and once you do all you’re left with is – what? Empty headedness? I mean not like you had any good suggestions of what to do to get out of the situation before so all the sudden you’re supposed to find answers after sucking all the emotion from the head that was only running on emotion? If there’s an emotional situation, the emotions are going to stay. I don’t know how you can think without them. “Nothing? We can’t just sit here and do nothing!” – Squidward Tentacles. That is exactly what I think when I think of how I need to think without emotion. Think think think think. I can’t just sit here and do nothing! But it’s like, I make a very biased and swayed decision based off emotion or I sit there and do nothing. I don’t know which is worse! It’s a really bad issue because I hate thinking off emotion, I hate my feelings swaying my thought space at all. I cannot be biased, I cannot be corrupt, I need to be clear/levelheaded, I need to be in the game, I need to search and destroy, just completely annihilate and own my life and it’s struggles for all they’re worth. It’s all a game and I’m losing because something will come along and my head will be sitting there seeing stars in a dizzy atmosphere when it’s supposed to be laying out all the cards on the table and studying each carefully before picking one. Life is important, every fricken decision we make is important, each one will create a new path.

The thing that really sucks is maybe all these young adults are laughing about how even though life sucks they can go to clubs or parties and get inebriated or just straight up high and that takes away their problems for a while. As someone who’s bipolar, nothing sounds better to me than that, because I live for harsh high and low comparisions, it’s just always how I end up. As someone who’s bipolar, I’ve had some very scary experiences in my life and I could never do anything that would throw my hefty amount of medications off track because that would mess me up for 2-4 weeks and make me a complete uncontrollable mess. I can’t escape my brain, not even for a minute. I cannot escape my brain. I can’t escape my thoughts. I can’t escape my dreams. I cannot escape my brain. I cannot escape my brain. I can’t escape my emotions… All hail the magic conch.

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