It’s 2:43 AM and I’m up because I fell asleep at 9 PM and woke up at 1 AM because I hadn’t washed my face or brushed my teeth or anything. So basically I’ve been up for a while and my stomach hurts because I’ve eaten like 6 cookies in the last 6 hours and nothing else, but I’m not sure what I’m doing here. It’s been a strange night and an even stranger 24 hours and I should be sleeping but I can’t get myself to.
What’s really funny to me is how many people I miss. So many people gone from my life, out of the hundreds that I’ve met, and what do I have to show for it? Memories? That’s not fossilized, soon I could turn senile and forget what my middle name is. Life isn’t going to last forever but people last even shorter of a time, and it’s hard to figure out how to make those moments matter. How to make them worthy of the sacrifice you make by freeing them… who’s going to remember what you did? Who you were with? Maybe nobody. What comes from it? Some sort of physical endeavor or were you all talk? Does that even matter?
“When you love somebody they’ll always leave too soon / but a memory, a memory can make a flower bloom / we wanna be remembered, don’t wanna live in vein / but nothing lasts forever, this world is in a losing game.” Marina and the Diamonds; Immortal