I am happy. I say that because today I took some pictures on my camera for my other blog (Shop For Days) and when I uploaded all of them onto my laptop I found a bunch of old pictures and 2 videos from August. Here’s some.
I looked at these and the longer I looked the more this horrible feeling crept into my stomach. Was I that miserable? Was that hurt in my eyes truly there everyday of the summer and going into September? I don’t usually read my past blog posts because I get happier with every post and seeing how horrible I was months ago, thinking I was doing pretty well, it’s crazy! Everything has changed so much and it’s like I’ve finally escaped some nightmare! My hands are shaking I’m just in disbelief. I’m doing really well! I’ve started yoga again, I wake up every morning from 7:30-9ish (without an alarm) eating 2 meals a day (which is good for me because of my stomach pains), I got Miranda Kerr’s new book and I’m excited to try reading it (attention span is garb but that is okay), I really hope that in a couple months I wont reread this and be like “Wow I thought I was happy?! That’s misery!” I guess the plus of that is that means there’s a happiness to that extent past mine right now, but I’m not sure. Maybe I just don’t write happy! But I’ve been working sooo hard on my skin and it’s clearing up beautifully. I don’t eat as much junk food at all really. I’ve been really into Victoria’s Secret and just watched the latest fashion show and I am in LOVE! Definitely something healthy I can focus on! They have workouts on their site with Candice (my bae) and others and I’ve started trying them, so difficult it’s great! Like I can’t wait to be where they are, to have healthy muscles and all that instead of lack thereof, I just want to be healthy and happy in every way and every aspect of my life. I’m not really being social right now but I talk to Michael (hey shoutout to Michael if he ever sees this) and he’s my cool collector friend, and those are hard to find because most other serious collectors don’t like to talk to noobs like me lol! But hey I also struggle with my lethargy in the middle of the day but my misery is created from tiredness and not from any conscious thought or event, and when I’m clear minded I feel slightly unstoppable. I’m able to buy a lot of fun things again. I’m able to buy cool things that I really need! I finally get to buy another Suki Exfoliating Cleanser and I’ve been out for like a year. This stuff is a freaking savior! Maybe I’m just rambling and maybe nobody cares, but the fact that I was depressed and miserable is bullcrap. I just recently started (2 and a half weeks maybe) Rexulti and I don’t think it’s had much time to build effect yet but if it has then it must be doing good. I kick butt at what I do. Which is miscellaneous things. Lol, I started my new Celebrity Merch Base website (well, we haven’t launched it yet but still) and I’ve really, somehow, created a life for myself where I can be happy, where I can build myself stronger and stronger, where I can be on top. I’m not even really “happy” yet and still I feel so strong. Patient really pays off. I see a new therapist for the first time on Wednesday. Wish me luck! 😉
P.S. One last thing, here is some pics I took for my other site’s new posts. I took these pictures today, how do you think they compare to the ones from August? 🙂
Worry Just Enough 