Today started out as a pretty sad day. I felt aimless, I felt like I was already losing progress, and I couldn’t even leave the house. But then I sucked up all the pride and motivation I had left in my body and shot it through an assault rifle towards the goal of leaving this abyss. So I made myself an extremely healthful smoothie, I played some great new artists, I went outside and stood in the sun on my porch with the light breeze swaying me gently. I took a deep breath, and then another deep breath but with a bowl of the calming agent of the moment. After a while I was smiling…I loved the music, I loved the trees, I loved when my kitten jumped up on the things, and I felt a lot more at peace.
I’ve been thinking about my inner peace. It’s hard to not have inner peace when you’re literally swept up and carried off into a different room. Not like when I laugh with his arms and hands safely secured around me, held on tightly, but it’s amazing to be so… swooned. Teasing and talking about everything, the way he smirks at me — I see in his eyes that he’s slightly entranced by me, and he can tell that I’m already so far under his spell.
Relationships don’t always lead to be a martial thing. Sometimes I just love a person, in whatever weird way. I could even get emotionally invested, but that’s different from being in love. I think that it’s nice to have my hair messed with and being called by my old nickname, while arguing about things that only we would argue about. Being talked to and challenged in every situation, rather than having to be so careful with my life. I get to jump all these steps and I don’t mind what’s going to happen next week or the week after, because focusing on the moments. It is what has gotten me through every day of my life… I’m young, I’m living!
You know my two best friends are a massive reason as to why I’m so at peace with life. No matter what relationship troubles I have, no matter what immoral things I do, they still love and respect me. They still wanna be here for me, they don’t care about the shit I’ve done because they know how much I genuinely love and appreciate them regardless. They see how I treat them and they’re grateful to know me, and I’m so happy that I’m allowed to be myself without being judged. I love these souls.
It’s a certain type of beautiful freedom.